History lesson

What do you do when someone you've known seems to change overnight? Someone you thought you knew so well, just all of a sudden, is different. You think maybe you're the one who is going in the opposite or wrong direction. But I don't think so. I think I've made positive changes, for the most part, as opposed to negative downhill spirals. But what if this person is harming themselves, or completely not acting like themself. (Or at least the self you know to be the true self) Is that a call for us to step in, take a risk and confront it? Because I feel like most of the time, that approach only has 2 outcomes: Bad and Worse. Or is it a matter of how important the relationship is to you? Is it worth the risk? Nobody knows. I know I don't. But sometimes it scares me. Like if I wait too long then something bad will happen, or it will get so out of control, and then I am helpless. Just like when I was little. History repeats itself.

Sometimes I feel like people don't take seriously why I've made the choices I have made in my life. They don't get the urgency or the relevance. It could be because they don't know the whole story. But that's my fault. Or maybe it's because they don't ask, or they don't care to know.

Untitled

I don't know why but lately I have been really sad. I can't really put my finger on it, but it's kind of like I feel like something is missing. And it's so strange because all my life I have been telling myself what I do and do not need and now it's like all that has changed. Is it because I am getting older? Or is it because I am feeling left out? I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel like it's almost there, but not quite. Like it's in my grasp and all I have to do is take and hold it, but I'm too afraid that I will drop it and lose it. Or maybe I'm not seeing what's really there.
I think my confidence level and outside appearence has a lot to do with it. I can't remember the last time I felt comfortable in my own skin. Which ultimmately is my fault. And it's like I don't care enough about myself to change. Like I'm not even worth the effort.
I need a break. I need a break from everything. Why can't life be easy? Instead it's complicated, ridiculous and exhausting.

Sometimes I wish I could just move away and start over.