;-)

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person...and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time."
- Never Been Kissed

yeah.

I never told you

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

-Colbie Callat

Secrets

I am so obsessed with this song right now. I think it might be my new theme song. OneRepublic is amazing and makes great music, love them.
I have an interview tomorrow and I think I'm a little nervous.... AAHH.

"I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Send it straight to gold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got no shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything"

Mine

Got a lot going on in my head these days. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of good and bad. I don't know why people have to make things so hard. As much of a tough exterior that I show to the world, things bother me more than anyone will ever know. I talk the talk, the big talk, but let me tell ya'... notsomuch.

I went to dinner with a friend the other night to celebrate my graduation and lots of old feelings came back as we were swapping stories about life and love. Someone I used to know very well came up somehow, and although I don't have feelings for this person anymore (really I don't), but just talking about the new person in their life makes me angry. Why is that? I don't want this person so why does it matter? Well the only thing I can say is that you start to think... why her? What does she have that I didn't? Why pick her? Why does he get to have someone and I don't? Life isn't always fair kids... And honestly I should be jumping up and down right now because of all the good things in my life and all the blessings I have. But I still can't seem to shake some things. It's like that's the one piece missing and I just can't seem to make anything fit there. A piece that I thought could fit... well didn't.

I don't really know how to end this post... guess it's a to be continued...

"Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine"
-Taylor Swift "Mine"

This Ride

it says hold on and take this ride
and set aside
memories of all the times
when you collide
then you'll leave me here to die
here's the things I meant
but I never said

it says sit back and take this time
to lose your mind
and find out what its like to die
so wheres my spine
when its time to give an obvious and simple reason why
I won't write again

what do you see
when you look at me..
do you take me for a fool

so what makes you play this game
with results always the same
and nothing but bad reputations to gain
it speaks to me like all is fine
when I could cry
from all the bends and breaks that I
took this time
when happiness is based on lies
its so hard its too hard to tell the truth

what do you see
when you look at me
do you take me for a fool

this fool is through

what do you see
when you look at me
do you take me for a fool

it says hold on and take this ride
and set aside
memories of all the times
when you collide
then you'll leave me here to die
here's the things i meant
but never said

-The Starting Line

A poem

I have a story to tell
A story from the days of old
Underwhelming and oversold
It's of a Romeo and a Juliet
where Romeo is saddened, unfulfilled and complacent
And Juliet, she is also strange
learning that life is not a stage
to play the parts
of lovers crossed with bleeding hearts
But Romeo is who she craves
maybe just to hear him say her name.
But all her friends, they say the same
"He is no good, he will not change"
But Juliet sits and wonders why
He could be good, he is good to her
always able to conjure a smile
even if it's been awhile.
So where from here one might ask
Well Juliet, she must move on
For Romeo,
in his own mind
is already gone.

Edge of Desire

Young and full of running,
tell me where is that taking me
just a great figure eight
or a tiny infinity.

Love is really nothing
but a dream that keeps waking me.
For all of my trying
we still end up dying;
how can it be?

Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me
'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe.
There, I just said it; I'm scared you'll forget about me.

So young and full of running
all the way to the edge of desire.
Steady my breathing, silently screaming
I have to have you now.

Wired and I'm tired;
think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor.
Or maybe this mattress will spin on its axis
and find me on yours.

Don't say a word;just come over and lie here with me
'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe.
There, I just said it; I'm scared you'll forget about me.

-John Mayer

Bones and skin

"I do not care about what car you drive, where you live. If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone. If your clothes are this years cutting edge. If your trust fund is unlimited. If you're A-list, B-list or never heard of you list. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you truly own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind."

It's almost here!

Nostalgia

Lady Antebellum "American Honey". This is a clip of them on Ellen. Love this song! Reminds me of home and old memories and such. Love it. Love them.

She grew up on a side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey

Steady as a preacher
Free as a weed
Couldn't wait to get goin'
But wasn't quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure and sweet
American honey

There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

Get caught in the race
Of this crazy life
Tryin' to be everything can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time
To American honey, yea

There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothing's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

Gone for so long now
I gotta get back to her somehow
To American honey

Ooh There's a wild, wild whisper
Blowin' in the wind
Callin' out my name like a long lost friend
Oh I miss those days as the years go by
Oh nothin's sweeter than summertime
And American honey

What the Hell is going on in Colombia?

Here is an interesting representation of what is going on in Colombia. Although it only touches on a few of the main points, such as the American involvement in the conflict and the government's lack of accountability, I like the way this was done. It helps to illustrate that the conflict is not black and white, like most Americans think, but it is multifaceted and needs the attention of the international community. Most people don't really seem to care about the situation in Colombia because they feel like it doesn't directly affect them, so who cares right? WRONG. Whether you know it or not, you play a major role in the Colombian conflict. And I don't mean just people who buy the drugs in the states. NOPE. Our tax dollars are used to just "throw money at the problem". Well in case you haven't noticed, that strategy doesn't seem to work anywhere. And how about those ingredients used to make coca into cocaine? Where do you think those are imported from? I'll give you one guess... And how about those Ford Explorers that the drug gangs drive around in? You can't tell me that these companies don't know what their products are being used for in Colombia. They do know, but they don't care because money is money and it doesn't matter where it comes from, or who it affects. The Colombian government also plays a role though. For example, as it says in the video, families cannot live on growing let's say coffee, alone. It is impossible to do so. This is mainly because of the international markets and the lack of subsidies to farmers within Colombia. And it's not that Colombia is poor by any means, they are not, but one would assume so based on news reports and statistics. I think the latest is that about 60% of Colombians live in poverty (don't quote me on that statistic, but I think that's what it is). Can you imagine? That is HUGE. Anyways, I am rambling on and on. I will get off my soapbox now... watch the video :)

Thoughts

Just wanted to share some of my Uncle's thoughts that he had written in his journal the last few years. These were read by his son (my cousin Mike) at the service this past week. I think they are beautifully written, thought provoking and wise. Enjoy.

Random Thoughts – by John Henningsen and read by Michael Henningsen

Marriage

I believe that marriage and all that comes with it boils down to love and commitment. It’s an easy statement to make, but not always easy to carry out. JoAnn and I have been fortunate to make it through some very trying times and some very satisfying times as best friends and still in love. It seems we both made the right choices back in 1963! It’s been GREAT!

Family

For me family comes first – before anyone or anything! If family does not come first, then something is badly broken. Either the family itself is seriously dysfunctional or individuals within the family have let their values fall out of their proper order. I believe that family is the anchor or compass of our lives. Friends can come and go, but a person’s family does not change. It is something you can always fall back on or go back to. Often friends will fall by the wayside or even turn against us. As they say, “Blood is thicker than water”.

Children

Children are the greatest joy that marriage can bring. Raising children and helping them develop into responsible and productive adults is the greatest challenge that God could possibly assign to parents. Carrying out this assignment brings many highs and many lows, many joys and some disappointments, achieved expectations, many surprises – but mostly it brings many proud moments and a sense of achievement for parents. It is hard work being a parent. In most cases, if you work hard, keep your eye on the ball, and have a sense of humor – the result is success!

Responsibility

One big thing I have always preached as a husband, father, and as a manager in my work life - is that we all have to take responsibility for our actions – good or bad. If we make a decision, we have to accept it and either enjoy the fruits of success or the woes of failure. If it is the latter, accept our mistake and correct it and do not make it again. This attitude is healthy; the opposite is unhealthy and will only bring more woe.

Athletics

Many will say that athletics are not important and a waste of time. For me, they were an important part of my “life education”. I learned how to trust others, how to solve problems, how to lead others, how to analyze other tendencies rather quickly, how to work within an organization, the importance of giving yourself up for the great good sometimes, and how to enjoy and relax while doing physical activity. Pretty good education!

Reality of Life

The proven reality of life is that is consists of “ups and downs”. Those that do not understand this will experience a mighty struggle with life in this world. Life is never all good or all bad, but it is a combination of the two. If you understand this, you can get through the tough times and not get too excited when things are going extremely well. The most important thing is to understand things are not always going to be either good or tough and to “just keep moving forward”.

This one's for you Uncle John

I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life

Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone

And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here

Feel your fire,
When its cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin' me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too

And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
You won't be comin' back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye

And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
I hope that all is well in heaven
Cuz it's all shot to hell down here
I hope that I find you in heaven
Cuz I'm so...
Lost without you down here

You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye

In anger and sadness...

Yes. Enough said. The perfect songs for right now.

Guanajuato

I arrived in Mexico on Sunday and I must say it is quite a culture shock. And I must add that as I am typing this, it is very hard to think in English so con permiso or forgive me. The first day was the worst day. As I am about to get off the bus to meet my Mama Mexicana, all I can think is Ok here goes. My expectations of Mexico were pretty much comprised of what we see on the news, although of course that should be taken with a grain of salt, and what I have learned in my classes at Mason. Some of these things I have seen here do live up to these expectations, good and bad, and some not so much. However, I digress. So I meet my Mama Mexicana, Pilar, and she is the nicest and warmest person, which helped so much because I was scared out of my mind as it was. In the taxi to her house we talk about family, what I like to eat and other various mundane things and then as I look to my left I see Mexican police brutality in full force. There is a truck of full of policia. They are all wearing those black masks and carry huge machine guns, as they are scanning the streets for other sospechosos, or suspects if you will. In the meantime on the street 3 policia are throwing a woman to the ground, as she is fighting back, and literally stuffing her in the truck. Yes literally. Ok so to see this maybe after I have been here a few days ok, but imagine... I just got off the plane and it was like on the right you will see the beautiful Teatro Juarez and on the left police brutality. Welcome to Guanajuato. Oh and I forgot that when we got off the plane, there were miltary men lining the runway. Odd, no? I thought so.

But regardless of that, Guanajuato is one of the safest cities in Mexico. So the first day I really just wanted to cry honestly. I dont think I have ever felt that alone in my life. I mean can you imagine... It is not just a strange city, but they speak a different language and you dont know anyone. Ok granted I do speak spanish but still I dont have to speak it or even use it everyday. It was a little rusty I must say. But after the first 2 days I would say that it started to become normal. I can tell you right now, as I am typing this that about 90 percent of what I am typing is coming into my head in spanish first. Im losing my english.

Guanajuato is a beautiful city though. It is so strange to think that I am walking on the exact same streets... ok not the exact same because they changed most of them from piedras to ladrillos, but when the Spaniards were here they walked to the Basilica taking the same streets that I take everyday. That might make me a nerd that I think about that as I walk to school but that is ok, I have been called worse. When I get home I will upload pictures to share because the city is just awesome.

Having said that... I am ready to come home. I know it is probably muy mal that I am counting down the days until I land back in the U.S. I mean, I am fine here, but it is not home. And honestly I never thought I would miss home as much as I do. It is something that is really hard to explain. The more I am here, the more I like it, overall. I am getting used to it here, the language, the people etc. And I honestly do like it and would not trade this experience for anything. But at the same time, it is not home. That is the only way I can think to explain it really. Es un poco triste, pero a lo mismo tiempo no. Plus I feel like I am missing things at home, like I am disconnected. I dont like that feeling at all. It really does not help that I cant even talk to people on the phone, and even texting doesnt really work that well. Hopefully this week will fly by and before you know it, I will be back in Los Estados Unidos. Ok enogh thoughts for now, it is time for lunch.

Buen dia

"Pay up or Die"

An article and some of my own thoughts I wanted to share...

This article talks about the escalating violence in Guatemala City that is being perpetuated by street gangs. The human rights group Grupo de Apoyo Mutuo has reported that in this year alone they have lost 175 members to his type of street violence. The main reason for this is basically for intimidation and extortion. The gangs demand that these drivers pay them sums of money and if they refuse than they will be targeted. One driver in particular was left paralyzed from the waist down after his bus was flagged down and he stopped. When he opened the door a young child pulled out a gun and shot him in his spine. He now is forced to rely on his family and other ways to make money. Although he is able to drive a modified bus, he believes it is too dangerous and resorts to selling toys in one of the most troublesome neighborhoods in Guatemala City, Zona 18.

In response to these murders, the Guatemalan army and police have offered security to the bus drivers in order to better protect them. However, there are not always officers available and they cannot be present on all of the routes. Citizens have proposed a type of pre-pay system in which patrons can buy tickets to the bus ahead of time, alleviating the presence of cash on the city buses. They hope that with the lack of money on the bus, the motivation for the crimes will be eradicated. But then one may ask the question, if not the bus drivers then wouldn't the violence just be focused on another group? If they alleviate the threat to bus drivers, than it is possible for taxi drivers to be targeted instead. Although the pre-paid tickets would be a good temporary solution, it will not solve the escalating violence problem in the city, it will only transfer it. In addition to this, the whole city's infrastructure would have to be changed and that could and probably would take years. Because the driver's feel a lack of support from the government, they believe that the only way for them to survive is to give in to the gang's every demand. This again, just broadens the reach of the violence because there is no resistance and absolutely no accountability with all of the murderers still walking the streets. It is also true that some believe that these murders are not just monetarily motivated. They could just be a smoke screen to what these street gangs would like to cover up. For example, if the police and government are focused on the murders and robberies, than they will either turn a blind eye or even forget about their real source of income – drug trafficking.

Another part of the article talks about the Guatemalan government paying pensions to the family of the deceased bus drivers. Although this is a great program, I would like to see more focus on stopping the crimes altogether. I believe that keeping the youth off of the street and in school will greatly help to reduce the rising crime rate in Guatemala City. For example, a young child shot the bus driver at the beginning of this article. Most likely, either this child believed they had no other option but to join this gang, whether financial or social, or he was violently forced. If you give a child an education many doors will be opened for them, and most likely the door to a gang will be slammed shut.


Article and picture from BBC

Twilight

Yes. I am now officially obsessed with Twilight. I tried to avoid it really. But I saw the movie and then started reading the books and BAM it was too late. The books are so good. I read the first one in less than a week even though I knew what was going to happen because I saw the movie.

I think it appeals to women/girls because every woman is looking for an "Edward". I mean minus the whole vampire thing of course. Even though as you're reading, you find yourself going "C'mon really? No man would ever say these things to you". But that's the beauty of a fantasy right? A girl can dream. And it doesn't hurt that the image of "Edward" in my head is Robert Pattinson. (Since I saw the movie first and then read the books) He's very attractive except for the crazy hair. It's funny how I have seen and read that all these girls/women go crazy for his hair. I personally think it looks like an out of control case of bedhead. Maybe that's the point. wink wink. Regardless, I like a man that has his hair under control, like it is in the movie. I don't know why I'm rambling on about hair, so let me get to the point - Im easily distracted as you know. My point is that you should read the books and watch the movie because I didn't think I would like it and now look at me. I'm another one of those "twilighters" or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

And can I just say that this whole Twitter thing is out of control and I'm tired of hearing about it and talking about it.

One of my other favorite things right now is the new Kelly Clarkson CD. It is wonderful and you should buy it. I think a lot of these songs couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. They really expresss some of the same things that I am going through right now. So I will leave you with "Already Gone"...

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Stupid

I am so sick of someone always trying to make me feel bad about myself and making little comments about everything. Just because you are insecure doesn't give you the right to bring others down. And DON'T ARGUE WITH SOMEONE WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. TRYING TO SOUND "SMARTER" BY REPEATING THE SAME IGNORANT COMMENT OVER AND OVER MAKES YOU LOOK AND SOUND EVEN MORE UNINTELLIGENT. THINK FOR YOURSELF. I'd rather be lonely than be around you a lot of days.

I have a dream

I have a dream
A song to sing
To help me cope
With anything
If you see the wonder
Of a fairy tale
You can take the future
Even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream

I have a dream
A fantasy
To help me through
Reality
And my destination
Makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness
Still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream
I'll cross the stream

I have a dream

Let it Be Me

There comes a time,
A time in everyone's life
When nothing seems to go your way,
When nothing seems to turn out right

There may come a time,
You just can't seem to find your place
For every door you open,
Seems like you get two slammed in your face

That's when you need someone,
Someone that you, you can call.
When all your faith is gone,
It feels like you can't go on

Let it be me
Let it be me
If it's a friend that you need
Let it be me
Let it be me

Feels like you're always comin' up last
Pockets full of nothin' ain't got no cash
No matter where you turn
You ain't got no place to stand
You reach out for somethin' and they slap your hand

I remember all too well
Just how it feels to be all alone
To feel like you'd give anything
For just a little place you can call your own

That's when you need someone,
Someone that you, you can call
When all your faith is gone
It feels like you can't go on

Let it be me
Let it be me
If it's a friend you need,
Let it be me
Let it be me