I don't know why but lately I have been really sad. I can't really put my finger on it, but it's kind of like I feel like something is missing. And it's so strange because all my life I have been telling myself what I do and do not need and now it's like all that has changed. Is it because I am getting older? Or is it because I am feeling left out? I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel like it's almost there, but not quite. Like it's in my grasp and all I have to do is take and hold it, but I'm too afraid that I will drop it and lose it. Or maybe I'm not seeing what's really there.
I think my confidence level and outside appearence has a lot to do with it. I can't remember the last time I felt comfortable in my own skin. Which ultimmately is my fault. And it's like I don't care enough about myself to change. Like I'm not even worth the effort.
I need a break. I need a break from everything. Why can't life be easy? Instead it's complicated, ridiculous and exhausting.
Sometimes I wish I could just move away and start over.
1 comment:
Hey-it might be obvious at how hard I am avoiding this my senior research proposal by the fact that i haven't talked to you in years and now i am commenting on your blog but I just wanted to say that the twenties are hard and we are all trying to figure out where we are going and who we are taking along for the ride. College is so fucking boring sometimes too=sometimes my monday through wednesday (hey i havent changed that much-this bitch likes to drink) are just in repeat mode and i barely have time to slow down and enjoy the process of anything. But I just wanted to tell you that-i think its like hills and valleys and when you are in a valley and hill seems SO far away but when you are on that hill is so god damn beutiful--so we climb the hill! hang in there and take care
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