Rather be here...

Arts and Crafts

I should do more arts and crafts. Crafts make me happy. Or are they just a happy distraction? I don't think I really care. I guess you could say that art and creativity have always made me feel better. When I was little that was probably the one thing that could make me almost forget what was going on around me. I took art classes for awhile, and my teachers always told me that I showed great promise. But then I stopped. I don't even remember why. Maybe I felt like I grew out of it, or maybe I just got too busy doing other things. I don't really remember. Anyways, I don't really know what my point was. I guess it's just that I miss it now. And i want to try to incorporate that in my life again. How you ask? I don't know. Like the other day when my roommates and I made valentines, and painted them and what not - it was great. Just little things like that. Maybe it will save my sanity. I doubt it though, but one can only hope =)

Smile

Oh does this bring back memories... I love this movie and it sure brightened up my day

I don't know...

I guess I don't really know where to begin because I don't know exactly how I feel right now. I've had people tell me that I am in the middle of a very destructive relationship and honestly sometimes I really agree. But my question is how do just walk away from something that has been a habit for so long? Something that was always there when you could count on it. I miss that support system. Now i just feel like I'm not good enough. Like I was just a stepping stone until something better came along.
But i feel like it's more than that. All of a sudden they've met someone new and now they are a different person. A person who deliberately hides things from me. Why? Because they are ashamed and know that this is not really their personality, or maybe because they know I will see right through it? I don't know.
ANd then I think maybe I'm being put on the back burner or sacrificed beacause in the end, I will be the one still standing there. But that still doesn't change the fact that I am sad or that I am very lonely. I don't think anyone sees that when they look at me, because I try so hard to hide it. So hard. And the one person I thought I could talk to, I can't. I just can't. Or the one person who I thought it would matter to. It doesn't. At least not now. It's like that saying, how does it go? If you let something go and then it comes back, then it was meant to be? I don't know if I'm strong enough for that. But i don't know if I'm strong enough for this either.
So again I sit here alone and it goes unnoticed. Maybe I should just get used to it.

What?

Ok so is it weird that there is something that I wrote in 6th grade posted on the internet? Without my knowledge mind you. Way weird... right? Yes I think so. You know when you are bored and you google search yourself just to see what comes up? Ok maybe it's just me, but you should do it because you might just find something interesting. Like a story about christmas that you wrote a billion years ago. And I think it's so funny to read it now and be able to see how I was trying to be all smart sounding, and using all these descriptive words. Too funny.

go to this link and my story is on the bottom.... try not to laugh too loud


http://www.ncsu.edu/midlink/holidays/stories.html


I'm ready for our big disappointing loss on ESPN tomorrow... are you?
k buh bye for now.