I guess I don't really know where to begin because I don't know exactly how I feel right now. I've had people tell me that I am in the middle of a very destructive relationship and honestly sometimes I really agree. But my question is how do just walk away from something that has been a habit for so long? Something that was always there when you could count on it. I miss that support system. Now i just feel like I'm not good enough. Like I was just a stepping stone until something better came along.
But i feel like it's more than that. All of a sudden they've met someone new and now they are a different person. A person who deliberately hides things from me. Why? Because they are ashamed and know that this is not really their personality, or maybe because they know I will see right through it? I don't know.
ANd then I think maybe I'm being put on the back burner or sacrificed beacause in the end, I will be the one still standing there. But that still doesn't change the fact that I am sad or that I am very lonely. I don't think anyone sees that when they look at me, because I try so hard to hide it. So hard. And the one person I thought I could talk to, I can't. I just can't. Or the one person who I thought it would matter to. It doesn't. At least not now. It's like that saying, how does it go? If you let something go and then it comes back, then it was meant to be? I don't know if I'm strong enough for that. But i don't know if I'm strong enough for this either.
So again I sit here alone and it goes unnoticed. Maybe I should just get used to it.
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