True Colors

Lately I've been thinking about my friendships, not by choice mind you, but by their mere actions. I have a friend who I've known forever, or so it seems. He can tell when I'm angry or had a bad day solely by my intonation or expression. Then there's the friend who likes to pretend that she is there for me, yet when I turn my back she is either gone or talking about me and my flaws, whatever they might be and regardless if there is truth to back such judgements. She is a "fly by night" friend as my parents would say. So why can't I cut the cord, pull the plug, kick her to the curb? I don't know. Maybe it's because I hold on to the good times, the laughs, the late-night storytelling. But then I think, how much can one person take? How many times can they be lied to until they blow up? When someone outright lies to your face it's like saying "You're too stupid to figure it out, or know better". That's how I feel. it's a power thing. Or maybe it's because they are scared of the truth. She know when she comes to me and says "Val, I did something really bad..." (which sadly happens a lot) I'm not gonna sugar-coat my response. I'll say that wasn't smart or tell her the truth whether or not she wants to hear it. I would ask a friend to do the same for me. So why am I friends with someone like that, someone who lies, abandons me in a time of need, even though when she needs me I am always there, no matter what. She needs to talk, I come right away. Kinda reminds me of high school. (hated it, enough said) I don't know. Just don't know.

sigh.

It's Debbie Gibson, Not Deborah Gibson

Well we have decided to hold an 80s party on Valentine's Day for us single ladies. i am really excited about it solely for the fact that it has an 80's theme. Anyone who knows me can tell you how much I love the 80's! I've already got my outfit planned: I'm thinking cowboy boots, leggings, scrunchies, big hair, even bigger belt, mini-skirt and acid wash denim and maybe a rosary around my neck to pay homage to the great Madonna. I'm lovin' it. We're gonna have plenty of 80's music, 80's movies, decorations, good food. It's gonna be great. I can't wait. Anywhoo....



Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?


I thought this kinda went in with the theme.


Keep living the Glamorous Life. XOXO


-~~-**Val**-~~-

"We Die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives."

http://nobelprize.org/literature/laureates/1993/morrison-lecture.html


Read it. Yes it is a little long, and you can even listen to it. But take the time to listen to it or read it, you won't be disappointed. I PROMISE. Blew me away, and made me think about a lot of things. Wow. I think I'm gonna really like my Toni Morrison class.


goodnight
143
XOXO

And if We All Believe in Heaven, Maybe We'll Make it through One More Year Down Here

Ok I am going to try to write this without tearing up, which may be a task but here goes.

In the shower this morning, on one of the many mixes that I have made, a familiar song started to play. It was one that I haven't heard in a long time, and most days I try to avoid it if I ever come across it. But today I decided to stop and listen. It was "View from Heaven" by Yellowcard, and I can't help but think of Lucas when I hear this song. Almost every word rings true. I wish I could have said goodbye, I wish I could've had closure. And no matter how much I try to tell myself that his death had little effect on me, I hold all those emotions deep inside. Which is bad, I know that, but It's easier to forget than it is to remember sometimes. But lately I realize that it's ok to remember his little smile and his big wide eyes, and how Noah would talk about himm so proudly, just like he does with Jacob. But along with those thoughts still comes anger and frustration. Why. Why did this little boy have to go through all that pain? Why. How can a surgeon make such a big mistake? It makes me so angry sometimes. If the surgery was done right, a simple routine surgery, then Lucas would be talking and walking and playing as I sit here now writing this. But then I think maybe this was in God's plan. This was supposed to teach everyone in my family a lesson. Tomorrow is not promised for anyone. I think I need to remind myself of that more often, because so easily can we forget. And now more than ever, I am realizing that the things that were important to me before, are just trivial and stupid. I guess the moral of this story is that I miss him.

That is all.



...so lost without you down here.butterflies

Here goes....

Yes well I have decided to jump on the bandwagon of bloggers and create one of my own. I figured this is as good a place as any to vent my frustrations and maybe become a little less bitter in the 2006. Plus I'm better at writing things out than talking it out and all that j-a-z-z. So it's a new year and you all know what that means... It's time to break, I mean keep my New Year's Resolution. This year I mean business, I'm going to lose weight and just be healthier in general. I know it's probably the resolution that everyone makes and almost everyone breaks, and I know I myself have made it a couple times, but this year is different. I have joined weight watchers and I am ready for the fight. All my life I have been overweight. Maybe it's a comfort thing, maybe I'm just too lazy to lose it or maybe it's something else in my subconscious. I don't care, this time next year you won't even be able to recognize me.

Enough of that. I am very ready to go back to school. Very ready. I am done with my job here. I don't get paid enough to deal with these things. Don't get me wrong I love kids, I love working with them and teaching them ( I mean that's why I've decided to become a teacher) and I definitely miss my little ones when I am gone, but when you make $6 an hour and have to deal with extreme unorganization amidst many other things... it makes it really hard to stay.

Alright that is all for now.
Young hearts be free tonight.

~*Val*~